Tuesday, 17 February 2015

It Was Cold That Night

Emma stared at the picture. 

Her eyebrows creased allowing worry lines to form on her forehead and her lips etched into a frown. 

"Excuse me miss?" She was shaken out of her thoughts by the kind face of the Liberian. "Miss, we are closed." 

It was then Emma noticed the library was deserted and all the lights were off except for the corner which she occupied. "Oh yeah...sorry." Emma apologised, hastily collecting her belongings and shoving them into her worn out bag which she slung over her shoulder. 

"Its al right pet. You always come here the minute the library opens and you're always the last to leave."

Emma sent a small smile. "Yeah...Books are a girls best friend right..."

She turned around to leave before the librarian called her back. 

"You forgot this." She held out the picture. 

Emma's frown returned and she took the picture silently and left the library. 

It was already dark outside and the wind was breathing harshly and Emma pulled the coat tighter around her body tears prickled in her eyes. 

Where would she go? 

She felt the gaze of the kind librarian and straightened up and walked not knowing where she was walking to. 

Her feet seemed to have a set destination as they carried her through the familiar neighbourhood. 

She found herself standing at the gates of what used to be her home. 

The blinds were drawn back so she could see directly into the dining area where her mother was putting down plates and plates of food on the table that always went to the bin or was stored as leftovers that were forgotten. 

Like her. 

Her dad sat in his seat at the end of the table his face buried in the newspaper not once acknowledging his family. Her younger sisters Clarice and Carly plaited their dolls hair humming the tunes of frozen.

Her eldest sister. 

Who was the definition of perfection set the table. 

Emma stood there staring at what used to be her family her chair was untouched her place was cold and bare at the dining table. She watched as they ate, talked, laughed, gloated. 

She could go back in. 

Comply to their rules. 

Do everything they wanted her to be, to do. 

Let them control her life. 

Apologise for mistakes that she never did. 

Endure the same pain she had endured for the last 17 years. 

Watch them smile at her misfortune. 

Her mother walked towards the blinds to close them and her eyes locked with Emma's. Sharp, cold green orbs staring into her dull, lifeless pupils. 

Her face turned cold and her glare sent the message loudly. 

She wasn't wanted. 

Emma turned around her throat constricted and she started walking. 
She was never and would never be accepted. 

She knew they were watching , her whole family was watching her. 

She turned back around and placed the picture down in front of their house. Clicked open a pen and shakily scribbled words onto the picture and started walking never looking back. 

'Thank you for allowing me to see the monsters of the world and stopping me from becoming exactly like them.' 

She didn't have anywhere to go. 

She patted her stomach proudly. 

It was cold outside. 

But colder in the place she once called home. 

Maybe she thought this thing inside of me will be my warmth. 

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