Thursday, 8 January 2015

Rant Day #1 - Parent Evening

Now, I think no scratch that, I know that I deserve a medal because I have been able to keep my mouth shut for this whole week. Which is quite a challenge for me take today for example this girl was seriously, seriously annoying me and I just wanted to go up to her and shake her scream in her face "What is the matter with you!?" 

Now seeing as next week Thursday is parents evening trust me oh do I have something to say. 

So here I am sitting on the floor earning butt cramps and punching letters furiously into my keyboard as I try to put down in words what I am truly feeling. 

Some words may be pretty. Some may not...Lool

Enjoy 

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Every teenager, child everyone has to go through this dreaded day when your parents are forced to come into to school and have a meeting with your teacher. 

Primary was fine it was just 1 teacher. 
Secondary!? Hell no. 

You have about 12-16 teachers smiling awkwardly at you while they make jokes with your parents as they try to explain the 'areas that could have some improvement.' 

That is total utter vamoshness! Okay, cause when I got my report a week ago you didn't mention any areas of improvement someone call Marilyn Monroe cause I'm seeing two faces here and none of them are pretty! 

Now let me say that this is the day when your teacher's show their true colours. That favourite teacher you had? Yeah all you can do is sit there and think 'I thought you were different...' 

Like come on, the following people I am going to describe we have all seen them,

Number One: 
Ms/Mr Elaborator:  

This teacher spits out so many lies and exaggerates the things you did too such an extent they could rewrite the Hunger Games. What annoys me even more about these people is that they decide to bring up things that happened in Yr7 and rephrase to make it seem like it happened last week. 

Like I dunno what year you're living in , dude,  all I did was sneeze during your presentation and when you asked if there was a problem I replied with a no. Then all you can do is sit there while your teacher goes on and you hold back the urge to scream: "Why you lying for?" that is what I hate the most. You cannot argue back because your mum is sitting next to you sending you those looks that translate as "Wait till we get home." 

That wait till we get home is code for wait till we get to the car and when we get home you can pack your bags cause you ain't sleeping here tonight. 

Then suddenly after that teacher says all that nonsense (See I'm filtering my words) she turns to you and says 'but we are working to improve that and she has been making some steady progress.' Like. No. No. NO!

You don't lie about me then act like we are buds. Like NO. Trust me the next time you ask me to go up two flight of stairs to get your coffee from the staffroom imma just look at you and keep on walking or pretend I never heard you cause for all I know next year you gonna be telling my parents that I spilt the coffee on your papers or some ish like that. 

Don't blow up my phone at 3am like how you need me now? 

(- -)
-V-


Number Two:
'The Ex' 

Al right, you are walking to that teacher who you thought was your friend. You know that teacher that understood you that was 'cool'. The one who shared jokes with you gave you some advantages the one who was always there if you needed a retake or an extension on your project or homework. 

The teacher we called 'the one' 

Yeah sit down girl cause I'm about to tell you the reason we call him/her the ex. 

So as I was saying you are walking and that teacher calls you over you smile finally seeing a 'friendly face.' and sit down confident that this teacher is going to at least allow you to earn a 99p McFlurry from McDonald.

'The one.' Hits it off with your parents by releasing the tension with some jokes and you all laugh then suddenly he/she stops and just stares and your parents stop and your just sitting there laughing before you realise no one else is laughing and you look around nervously and your laugh dies down. 

The teacher starts by saying the wonderful things and you be chilling in your chair like James Bond, perching your feet on the table, filing your nails with them sunglasses on feeling invincible then the teacher says but. 

With that but your walls come tumbling down and your heart breaks in two and you can hear Adele already singing Skyfall. The teacher's eyes look at you and say 'I'm sorry I have to do this.' but it's too late for you to say anything back with that but, everything starts going and with that word your heart crumples. 

Then he/she smiles and shakes hands with your parents and is like 'See you on Monday. We are still on for the extra lesson right?" 

And you just smile sadly and stare at them with this intense gaze and Adele has moved on from Sky fall and is singing Set Fire To The Rain and all you can say is "Nah, I don't think I need your help any more it's all right I will find someone else." 

Let It Burn 

Oh and it did. 


Number Three:
The Nosy One 

This teacher puts pinocchio to shame not because they are lying but this teacher can be both the Mr Elaborator and The Nosy One trust me. 

You are sitting down with let's say the Maths teacher and the Maths teacher says "She tends to get distracted." All of a sudden Mrs Pinocchio over there turns away from the parent she is meant to be talking to and turns to your parents and the teacher is like. "Yes. Yes I totally she always does that in my lesson." 

And you are just like hold up, "Ms I don't have you for French." 

She just stares and your parents stare back and she then says "In my cover lessons and plus the other teachers said so." 

And that is how she carries on following breathing down your neck sending that smile but always butting in and putting in her input and you just want to turn around and say "I'm sorry are you my teacher?" Because you know that will shut her up. 

But thank you Nosy one cause you just not only cost me my 99p McFlurry but a £1 chicken and chips too. 

Number Four 
The Story Teller:

This teacher obviously doesn't care about parents evening cause all she really wanted was the extra bling a ding for actually staying and a pillow to cry on while she tells her life stories.
I have nothing against draw my life as long as it is done on YouTube and I can watch it when I want and mute, play and pause when I want. 

Yes it is occasionally nice when your teacher shares a story from their past and you all coo at their story. 

But when they start reading out their auto-biography that is where I draw line. 

Then they link it too you like they had trouble in school like you did and you are just like back up no one said anything about trouble. They stop in the middle of their story and look you like take notes. And you do that anyway because with the tales they are spilling you could win the author of the year award. 

Then they glance at their watch and says how time flies when 
you are having fun, then smiles and says goodbye. 

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That my friends is what happens at parents evening and it is no fun because teachers are too lazy to put the bad things in your report so they save it for Parents Evening when they know they have the upper hand cause you cannot deny anything. 

Now here is a funny story for you. 

My friend was at Parents Evening and was meeting with our form tutor and she was saying all these wonderful things about her and our form tutor is also our history teacher and my friend is there grinning like a Cheshire cat singing "I made it." 

Then our form tutor suddenly said "BUT unfortunately Hannah hasn't done her history homework which means she has a detention after school on Monday." 

Yes people that is right she gave her a detention in front of her mum right there.  

That slapped the grin off her face. 

Her mum was looking at her and damn if looks could kill Hannah would have been dead by now. So to all teachers out there do not be a Mr Elaborator, or the nosy one or any of those because if you think it will make the student 'like' you more. 

You are wrong, it just makes you the gossip topic at lunch. 

Wish me luck for my Parents Evening and I am prepared for the teachers I have my headphones and a packet of skittles stashed in my blazer pocket, and pepper spray just in case I run into any Noses. 

Icky xx


7 comments:

  1. Hahaha...that was one hell of a post XD
    I had this teacher who told my sister "I tell him you can do anything you need to try..I'm always supporting him..pushing him to try new things..do better"...and I was standing there like.."Saay WWWhhhaat??..liar liar pants on fire D: " My sister almost laughed at her right in her face XD XD
    You should rant more often :P

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    1. PS- add a follower widget it would help readers return to reader future posts :)

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    2. Aww thanks! Lool I have a lot to say. I have no idea how to add a follower widget!

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  2. Hahaha, cool post. At my high school parents could choose whether or not they wanted to see the teachers. So they could be like: I wanna talk to your Geography teacher but none of the others. It was a great system, especially because my parents never wanted to talk to teachers along as my grades were fine.

    Envy
    Picking up the Pieces

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